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My Recipes
"Key" Lime Pie (serves 8 Snake Demon-sized portions)
To quote my close personal friend, WWE Superstar The Rock: "Do you like pie?" Okay, so she may not be
The Key anymore, but don't tell me that this sweet little teenaged slayer sister doesn't still taste
sweeeeeet. You can enjoy this teenaged pie without worrying about getting in trouble with the law...
or your significant other. Heh-heh. Get it? Oh never mind.
Ingredients
1 Former Key (which pretty much limits you to Dawn Summers)
1/2 cup key lime juice
3 egg yokes
1(14 oz.) can of sweetened condensed milk
1 pre-made graham cracker pie crust
Directions
Draw and quarter your former Key (don't pre-kill—it ruins the freshness) and continue sectioning
her until the pieces are small enough to fit into your blender. You can use a knife if you like, but I
prefer my bare hands, err claws - whatever.
Puree the Key. Hair, bones, guts... all of it. It may sound icky, but it really brings out the flavor.
Pre-heat oven to 350 F. Combine pureed Key, lime juice, egg yokes, and sweetened condensed milk with wire
whisk until smooth. Bake for 10 minutes. Remove from oven and allow to cool for 10 minutes before
refrigerating. Serve chilled with a dollop of whipped cream.
Angel Dust Pasta (serves three Snake Demon-sized portions)
Sometimes, a simple pasta dish is just what the doctor ordered to get those carbs you need for the big
day of killing you've got ahead of you. Here's one of my favorite pasta recipes that will also make that
big day of killing you've got ahead of you easier from the standpoint of taking care of anyone trying to
stop you. Eat it in the morning and you could honestly call it the Breakfast of Champions!
Ingredients
One vampire with a soul (oddly, more common than you think)
1/2 cup Clarisified, I mean clarified butter
1 1/4 cups heavy whipping cream
2 1/3 tablespoons butter
Salt (to taste)
1 pinch freshly ground white pepper
1 8oz Package of Martha Gooch thin spaghetti noodles
1 Wooden Stake
Directions
Cook noodles in boiling salted water until al dente. Drain.
Combine heavy cream, clarified butter, 2 1/3 tablespoons butter, and salt and pepper in a saucepan;
heat thoroughly. Add noodles to the heated sauce. Let sauce reduce to a creamy consistency. Stake your
vampire with a soul, being careful not to let the dust scatter. Collect dust. Sprinkle liberally over
noodles and serve.
Apple "Buff" Cake (serves a LOT)
In the Bundt Cake tradition, this is a good wholesome cake, especially nice for the fall. Or the
apocalypse, whichever comes first.
Ingredients
1 Slayer (she doesn't have to be named Buffy, but then you'd have to rename the recipe)
2 cups apples - peeled, cored and diced
1 tablespoon white sugar
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
3 cups all-purpose flour
3 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 cups white sugar
1 cup vegetable oil
1/4 cup orange juice
2 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
4 eggs
1/4 cup confectioners sugar (for dusting)
Directions
Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees. Bound and gag the slayer and place her in a large Bundt or tube pan.
(Be sure to grease and flower the pan!)
In a large bowl, combine all remaining ingredients. Blend thoroughly until they form a batter-like
consistency. Pour over Slayer.
Bake in preheated oven for 55 to 60 minutes, or until the Slayer stops screaming when lightly touched.
Let cool in pan for 10 minutes, then turn out onto a wire rack and cool completely. Sprinkle with
confectioners sugar. Serve.
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