My Journal

Monday, March 31, 2003
It's becoming rather sad around here. The place is almost deserted—the writers are almost completely gone, the assistants are cleaning out their paper clip trays, and everyone is saying their last goodbyes. And still no one has told me where I'll be going! Am I going to be tossed into the street, to live the life of a snake demon pauper? Will Fury bring me home to meet the kids, maybe give me a cot to sleep on in the family room? Or perhaps Michael and Kern will be luring me down to the furnace room with promises of juicy starlets to munch on, only to push me unceremoniously to my fiery demise? What's gonna happen to me?!?!

I'm whining, I know. I just hate the uncertainty of it all, ya know? Mebbe it's time to get back in the saddle, start going to auditions again. Surely there's a place for me on NYPD Blue, right? Or maybe That 70's Show.

But until then, I think I'll be avoiding the furnace room. Just in case.

Monday, March 24, 2003
Sorry for the lack of updates, life has been hectic, what with the standing around the office and doing nothing all the time.

My weekends have been filled lately with the making of mix CDs. Yep, you heard me right. I've discovered the joys of Windows Media Player, and finally I can have Poison's "Look What the Cat Dragged In" on the same cd as Celine Dion's "The Colour of My Love," woo! (Trust me, it may seem like a weird mix, but it's two great tastes that taste great together. Mmmm....)

Didja all see the Oscars last night? I was there. Yep, I was the hep one sitting next to Jennifer Garner. You might not've recognized me, I was wearing sunglasses so Ernest Borgnine wouldn't recognize me—he's still pissed at me for beating him out of the Buffy gig. Gotta tell ya, though, that Oscar-winners tribute freaked me the hell out. I could've sworn I ate Jack Palance back in '96, so you can imagine the shock I got seeing him up there on stage. Then I noticed he wasn't moving, and realized they were probably using a blow up doll, so I got my tail in a twist over nuthin'. Whew. But damn, that was freaky. Also, that Aiden Brody guy? Cracked my sh*t up, yo. That is one lucky dog, mackin' on Halle like that. Smart, too, to do it on national television so that she couldn't beat the sh*t out of him. Not that I speak from experience or anything.

Ok, gotta go, I hear a security guard coming. Not that he'd even notice a six foot snake demon sitting at a computer, those guys are just clueless. But I'm hungry, so I'm thinking, snack time!

Tuesday, March 11, 2003
I really hate it when the weekend ends. Everyone comes back to work, it gets busy and noisy, and people inevitably start grumbling about the unplugged phones, confetti-exploding cabinets, and "REDRUM" grafitti written in blood on the bathroom walls. I mean, come on, what do they expect me to do with my weekends when they leave me LOCKED IN with no TV?

Not to worry, though! I managed to keep myself occupied with the camera the guy from editing left on his desk. Boy is he gonna be surprised when he gets those babies developed!

Also, I uploaded wallpaper made especially for my by the loverly amberlynne, so now everyone can enjoy my handsome self 24/7! You can check them out on the picture gallery page.

Friday, March 7, 2003
Updates! I made updates to the site! I was hesitant at first about posting my confession, but I trust all my buds here, and writing it out just made me feel a lot better about myself, ya know? Also, a friend of mine reminded me of some of my favorite recipes, so I've put them up as well. And finally, I wanted to thank all my worker-bee buds, 'cause this site would just be all in Snake-Demon language without my typists and interpreters.

In other news, I've got a rash on my tail. I really hate when that happens.

Thursday, March 6, 2003
Watched Angel last night. It had the double bonus of being written by my favorite writer, and having the scrumptious Faith return. Didja see that prison yard scene? Mmm mmmmm! Ya know, I once saw her at my favorite club, the Viper Room. I was munching on a bartender, and she bumped into me on her way to the bathroom. I was about to bite her head off when I realized who it was and decided to let it slide. She really is quite the beauty in person. However, that demon? The Beast? Pft. What a wimp. And what a stupid name. Hell, even "Victor" would've been a better name than the Beast. He deserved to go all 'splodey.

I talked to my agent yesterday. He's been trying to get me a gig on Miracles, but I don't think it's gonna happen. Greenie has never forgiven me for that incident with his chihuahua. I've really gotta learn not to burn important career bridges like that. *sigh*

Wednesday, March 5, 2003
Happy Birthday to my favorite writer, David Fury, he who created the character on Buffy the Vampire Slayer that eventually led to my current fame and fortune. I hear he originally wrote it for that guy from the episode Reptile Boy, but fortunately he was too busy doing a documentary for National Geographic.

Tuesday, March 4, 2003
Woo hoo! My Buffy episode was on today! Gotta love FX, everyone gets to see my badass self every couple of months now, thanks to them. Didja see me? Didja? I was kicking ass and taking names. Ok, yeah, there was that one split second when I looked at the camera, but if you blink, you miss it anyway, so I don't think it was that noticeable. And really, Sarah and I had such chemistry that I could've gotten all my lines wrong and I still would've been fabulous. It's all about the chemistry, boys and girls.

Monday, March 3, 2003
First, I want to draw attention to the fact that today's date is 03/03/03, and to let you know that this is yet another sign of the coming apocalypse. Whoo! Par-tay!

Now, on to my day. It sucks. I keep trying to work on the website, but Kern refuses to budge from his desk, so I haven't had a computer to work on, except for like, 20 minutes while he was in the bathroom. Don't these people ever go to lunch anymore? Sheesh.

There were no babies today. Dammit. One of these days, someone—Marti, Kai, someone—is gonna space just long enough to leave a baby within my reach. Yeah, ok, I'll probably lose my job right about then—possibly even the pole up my ass that keeps me upright—but it'll be worth it. Mmmmmm, babies, yummy.

Speaking of poles up the ass, I heard Mr. Rogers died last week. (What? He was a puppeteer. He always had his arm up someone's ass. Jeez.) Personally I was always a fan of Grandpère Tiger. He was hell on the ol' skins, ya know.

Damn, that Buchanan guy is coming down the hall.... One final thought for y'all: Pole Up My Ass would make a great name for a band. No, really.

Sunday, March 2, 2003
Woo hoo! Tshirts are done! Picture gallery is next, and then, the world! Mwahahahaha!

Thursday, February 27, 2003
I'm launching my site soon. I've put a lot of work into it, I hope everyone likes it. And if they don't, I guess I'll just eat them.

Monday, February 17, 2003
Well, the weekend is over, and I have to go back to the office tomorrow. Damn, but that sucks. I had a great time with my roomies, Chrissy and 'stina. They didn't hog the covers, and they rubbed me down with oil every night before bed. Mmmmmmmm, oil.

The weekend itself had its plusses and minuses. On the one hand, I met lots of new people. On the other hand, I didn't get to eat a single one of them. Ok, maybe I had a taste or two, but trust me, snacks do not the appetite appease. And it's not like I didn't even have the chance—the morons kept sticking their tongues and their hands and a few other body parts right into my mouth. Why did I restrain myself, you ask? I've been asking myself the same thing. I think I was under a spell or something, I haven't been able to come up with any other explanation. Of course, maybe it was the alcohol. A lot happened that I don't really remember, at least if the pictures are to be believed. I think those underwear ones were photoshopped. There's no way I could've been *that* drunk.

And speaking of pictures, what the hell was up with the cameras that weekend? I couldn't get a single moment of privacy, not even to go to the bathroom. Those Bronzer people are freaks, I'm tellin' ya.

There was, however, a highlight to the weekend. Devil knows, I've never been one to turn down a blow job. I gave her my number, I hope she calls me.

Fuck, the dog is barking again. Claris must be home. Back to the kitchen. Yay.